Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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