I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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