Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize