but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
