Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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