can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
