Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
