I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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