I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
