I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
