The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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