dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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