matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
