bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
