yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
