i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
