morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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