Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's Friday. Sex?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
