He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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