I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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