I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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