Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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