The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
