i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
