how can u be prego again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
