It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
