there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
