On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
