Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
