My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
