I need help removing her.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do vagina's smell?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
