I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
