awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
