its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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