she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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