with your own penis?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
