i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
