i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
