Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
