I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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