it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
