What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
