My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
