you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
