I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
two words: eviction party
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
