Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
