So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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