One girl and one boy is just not enough.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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