Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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