I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
