3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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