someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
