my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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