Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
