We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
