i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
