Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's blow job season.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
