My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
