Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
